Not long ago I took the train to New York City and sat next to a man in his early twenties. We struck up a conversation about his work and his life. His job, he said, was in the film industry but his real love was writing. Just saying the word – writing – brought a soft, dreaminess to his face, an excited gleam to his eye. He opened his laptop to show me a screenplay in progress.
“And?” I asked with excitement, his passion contagious. “How’s it going?”
He laughed, but slammed the laptop shut. “Oh, you know,” he said, “It’s fine when I actually work on it.”
Too many obstacles blocked the path to his passion, he explained. Long work days and an erratic schedule. An active social life and the noise of roommates. A busy mind and a restless body.
I nodded, resonating all too well with his litany of excuses for not doing the thing he claimed to love. Just last week my sister and I shared our hopes for 2018. As usual, I talked of my creative work. As usual, she offered suggestions that would support my desire. As usual, I justified my hesitance to be held to such standards. Living as a single mother. Running my own business. Enduring sinus infections and up-all-night coughing and dark mornings and lonely nights and the dishwasher, the damned dishwasher, and the task of loading and unloading it again and again for the rest of time.
My sister looked at me, bewildered and amused, as if to say, Really, Sara? You’re blaming this on the dishwasher?
My goal in 2018, read a friend’s recent post on social media, is to accomplish the goal I set in 2017 which I should have done in 2016 because I made a promise in 2015 which I planned in 2012.
The sentiment would be funny if it weren’t so heartbreaking, the way we don’t do what nourishes us, what makes our eyes instinctively brighten, our mouths lift. The thing that has been on our list to learn or do or deepen for years, maybe decades. Eating well. Dancing more. Moving the body. Playing music. Making art. Most of us have a thing (or things!), and if you think you don’t, close your eyes, bring your attention to your heart and remember yourself as a child. What did you instinctively do that brought you joy? Something that needed no rules or accountability, something that your integrated heart/mind/body was compelled towards and so you did it, maybe even getting lost in that task for hours?
For me, it’s writing, reading, and moving my body. Though I do all three regularly – I would wither away if I did not! – there is much more to learn, more refinement to be gained, more growth for which I long.
So, why not carve out the time? Why not show up more consistently for what my heart craves? Surely, the dishwasher is not that formidable of a foe!
"It’s fear," explained the young man, going on to name the shades of his nemesis. Fear of failure. Fear of looking stupid. Fear of boredom. Fear of tiredness. Fear of no one caring. Fear of realizing he didn’t actually even like what he claimed to love. Fear that he was wasting his time. Fear of the day-to-day process.
Do you have the courage, Elizabeth Gilbert asks in her book Big Magic, to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?
As a child, Gilbert explains, she struggled with anxieties of all kinds but had a mother that would not allow fear to have the last word. Afraid of the snow, Gilbert was designated the household snow shoveler. Afraid of the ocean, she was made to swim at the beach. Afraid of answering the telephone, she was required to answer every call that came to the house.
Trust me, she writes, I spent years pushing back against my mother’s unshakable faith in my strength and abilities. Then one day, somewhere in adolescence, I finally realized that this was a really weird battle for me to be fighting. Defending my weakness? That’s seriously the hill I wanted to die on?”
As the saying goes, she writes later, argue for your limitations and you get to keep them.
Another twelve months has slipped away, and it’s as good a time as any to release the limiting stories we've carried been carrying around: for the past year and the year before that and the year before that. And while we’re at it lets get rid of the generations of cultural and familial fear we’re all lugging, too. In 2018, we can be bold! We can be courageous! We can be beginners! Lets become child-like in our innocence and curiosity, remembering that every day, every moment is an opportunity to begin again, to show up this time, right now, for the treasures within ourselves that want to shine, taking responsibility to practice that which entices us each towards greater joy, ease, and well-being.
But what is that thing? How do we know where to put our bold energies?
The question, Gilbert asks, is not so much, “What are you passionate about?” The question is “What are you passionate enough about that you can endure the most disagreeable aspects of the work?
Disagreeable task number one? Beginning. Disagreeable task number two? Persisting.
So, how do we begin? By showing up and putting our bodies where we know they need to be. By not talking too much about it (the ego!), and instead just doing it (the heart!). By setting our alarms, waking up early, signing up for that class or retreat, and putting our money (which is energy!) into that which will serve this nourishing passion.
And how do we persist? By not doing it alone, in hiding or in fear. By drawing upon the support of our communities. By rallying friends to join us in our efforts. By hiring coaches or teachers for private, refined instruction and accountability.
And then, most importantly, by letting go of the results.
The Nobel Laureate Seamus Heany says that no one should ever expect to be immediately good (at poetry or anything else). An aspiring poet, he explains, is always lowering a bucket halfway down a well and coming up again and again with nothing. The frustration can be immense. The boredom painful. The desire to quit always close, like a buzzing fly. But, he urges, you must keep doing it anyway! After many years of practice, he writes,
the chain draws unexpectedly tight and you have dipped into waters that will continue to entice you back. You’ll have broken the skin on the pool of yourself.
Tell me: what waters will you dive into this year? What depths will take you deeper into yourself? What is one simple thing that you can nurture with your whole, courageous heart? Not halfway. Not lazily. Not wishfully. Not with the idealistic wind of the mind or the puffed up bluster of the ego. But with the humility and sincerity of the heart. Sometimes with fervor, other times with frustration and always, always with faith and steadfastness.
At Catskills Yoga House, we are here to support you, encourage you, celebrate with you, and hold up a mirror that shows you your most courageous, capable self. Look into it. Believe it. Act on it. Don't be like my train-mate, discouraged at 23 and enslaved to the limiting narrative of fear. Instead, see below for a new winter schedule and upcomingweekend workshops to support you in your yogic explorations and beyond. We are here for you!
Dipping again and again with you into the deep well of practice, I am yours in movement,
Sara
Embodied Dialogues:
An Exploration of Organic Movement and the Subtle Body
with Elizabeth Andes Bell
Saturday, January 13th * 3-5 PM
$35 pre-reg * $40 same day
Embodied Dialogues are structured healing movement explorations that keep our focus on Shakti - the personification of our creative energy...the Great Divine Mother, as she is sometimes called - as she unfurls herself through our physical and vital bodies. The body knows where to go when we follow its design!
In this installment of Embodied Dialogues, Elizabeth will focus on the psoas/diaphragm connection, teaching physical practices that will help students develop healthy core awareness and vagal nerve tone as well as to live from the deep silence of our true nature. Simple but highly transformative movement patterns can bring incredible shifts in our bodies, our minds, and our subtle energies.
Come. Study with a remarkable, long time mover, dancer, teacher, and healer. And lets make space for the wave of spirals, undulations and sensations that are the secret language of Shakti seducing us to step out of our habits and feed our wild souls. Beginners welcome! For more about Elizabeth and her work, please visit her website.
Reserve your spot here
Renew & Restore Mother's Practice with Sara Beck
Sunday, January 28th * 1-3 PM * $20 suggested donation
Whether you've had a child three months ago or three years ago or thirteen years ago, you are experiencing what every mother knows to be the "postpartum" life. Before bearing children. After bearing children. These lives may be similar in some ways, but they are undeniably different in others. We experience these changes in our bodies, our minds, our interests, and our hearts. This Mother's Practice - a regular offering at the studio - is intended to help students heal, restore, and energize aspects of the body-heart-mind that have shifted since childbirth. This practice will involve discussion and connection with other mothers, a strong restorative and self-care component, and physical movement that will help to heal, tone and strengthen core and pelvic floor muscles as well as open and release the neck and shoulders. Very minimal yoga experience necessary.
Ask questions or reserve your spot here.
Winter Goddess Retreat with Alison Sinatra
Saturday, February 24th * 12:30-6 PM
$100
The amazing Alison Sinatra is back! Cozy into our beautiful, snow globe of a winter-time studio and experience a restorative and comforting day of connecting with yourself and other women. Alison, with over fifteen years experience as a yoga teacher and leader of women's circles, is known for her warmth, intelligence, and humor as well as her ability to hold deeply sacred, healing, love-filled space. She will draw on the energy of the water and woods to help us work with (not against) the quiet, soft, and introspective space that winter creates. Through asana, prayer, conversation, meditation and song, we’ll be held by winter’s softness and emerge feeling rested and restored and supported by sacred sisterhood. Expect a delicious snack as well! This is a perfect event to attend alone or with a sister, friend, mother or daughter. Beginners welcome! For more about Alison, visit her website.
This event will fill up fast... Reserve your spot here
JANUARY OFFERINGS
New Student Special: 3 classes for $30, good for 30 days
Class Card Holder Special: Bring a new student, earn a free class